You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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