Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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