My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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