was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
