is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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