that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
