How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
