The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
