Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
