I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
the night ended with taco bell and tears
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
