Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
