apparently the secret to your success is patron
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
