sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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