dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
