Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Jerry, you need to find god
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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