Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize