Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
