Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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