I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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