I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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