last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize