hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
