i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
