yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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