she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Dicks are not precious.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
