i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
