no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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