i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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