i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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