dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
