Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
