matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
