When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
