Quick, to the slutcave!
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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