How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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