Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
