FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
