best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
