ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just gift wrapped bread.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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