wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
