Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Randomize
