Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
