my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
