i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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