her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
