I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize