I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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