I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
That's how pantless uber rides happen
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
