I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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