Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
