i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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