I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
