Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
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