i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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