if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
