you guys were way drunker than both of me
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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