So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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