Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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