she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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