The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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