If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
