We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
