Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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