moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
pop tarts are not kleenex
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
So many bounce houses so little time
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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