He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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