Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
