Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
