I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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