Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
this hospital has no fireball
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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