Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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