a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We just shotgunned beers for America
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize