I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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