I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize