I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
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