Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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