every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
